CHAPTER TWELVE: Postscript

A whole book could be written on the different things set forth in the Song of Solomon regarding the sexual practices of husbands and wives. But we choose rather to not extend this study excessively by doing so, but to leave the Song of Solomon to be read and followed in practice by married couples as the inspired Marriage Manual that God meant it to be. Many couples presently practice much of what this book contains, often not realizing that they are being biblical in their uninhibited practices, the differences between then and now being mainly in the descriptive language employed, for there is much symbolism employed here. The different fruits, animals and structures are identified as symbols of the human genitalia enough times to make it clear to what these generally refer in this Book, 2:3; 4:5; 7: 1-3, 7-8, et al.

Though Solomon was king over Israel at this time, his God-given privileges in the bedroom were not one whit more nor less than God has given to every husband and wife that marry in His will. As it was then, so is it now over three thousand years later that, "Marriage is honorable in all, and the bed undefiled," Heb. 13:4. And only those that violate the Divine guidelines for marriage have reason to fear that the judgment of God will fall on them; "but whoremongers [fornicators] and adulterers God will judge" in due time.

But there are many things that have been allowed to blight the blessed marital relationship that the good God has given for human pleasure and well being: ignorance of privileges, false modesty, parental traditions, the corrupting influences of the world, the wicked desire for pleasure without responsibility, and others.

The writer speaks candidly in regard to this matter. He grew up in great ignorance of many things, including a biblical view of sex, and while his salvation at the age of seventeen began to have a great influence on him from that time on, he still retained much ignorance for many years. Both he and his wife brought a lot of excess psychological baggage from their home lives into marriage with them, and this had, and continues to have a detrimental effect upon their marriage. But in spite of that they have had a phenomenal sex life that is almost miraculous, all things considered, and the explanation may perhaps lie in one primary reason. Though both felt the intense drive that is a part of the Divine programming in most people, and were both tempted to give in to fleshly desires, yet God kept us both pure so that we both came to our marital bed as virgins. In fact, it was technically the day following the marriage ceremony by a couple of hours when the marriage was consummated. And do you know what? Neither of us died of terminal frustration from not engaging in sex before marriage, as many young people seem to think they will do if they do not engage in sex as soon as they reach puberty. Sad to say, but most people today are controlled by nothing but utter selfishness, and so, they often act like animals.

Recognizing the ignorance of both of us, this writer began to do research into our duties and privileges as soon as we were engaged. The local library supplied three or four Marriage Manuals, some by Christians and some by non-Christians, and we both read and discussed these in preparation for marriage. One of the things that this writer learned from these manuals was that a woman has much more potential for pleasure than a man has, for whereas a man generally can only achieve one climax per session, a woman may have multiple climaxes. But to do so requires much patience, loving attention and understanding of her feminine make-up by the husband, and these were put into practice in our marriage.

For the first few years of marriage the wife was the more liberated and unres­trained of the two of us until this writer began to look more to Scripture than to the ideas that had been programmed into his mind by prior influences and her actions were most beneficial. This made for over forty years of marital bliss that was beyond all reasonable expectations, and only when menopause took away her desires at the same time that hypertension and the necessary medicine for that took away ability from him was there a mutually agreed upon cessation of these pleasures. But many husbands and wives are able to continue to be sexually active into even much later years.

One of the major problems that my wife brought into our marriage was an extremely negative and critical spirit that had been programmed into her by at least two prior generations, and which came to the surface in almost every area of life. But it has been a constant source of amazement that in all those more than forty years of marital bliss never once that can be remembered was there ever a criticism even hinted at, much less voiced in our bedroom activities.

A man generally desires pleasure with his wife more often than she does, and it is not unusual for men, even into middle age, to desire to have sex almost every day. Of course, that is not always practical for one reason or another, but the wise wife will do all in her power to cater to her husband's desires, and needless refusals of him often become self-defeating in more than one way. And though a woman may not desire the pleasures of the marital bed more than once or twice a week, a caring husband can make each of these the occasion of numerous climaxes, which is why it was said earlier that she is capable of more pleasure than the man.

This responsibility on his part to stir up her desire is perhaps what is meant in the original declaration in Gen. 3: 16 that, " ... Thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee." That puts a great responsibility on him to be attentive to her needs as well as desires, to which he has a special ministry, as suggested in the Song of Solomon. ", .. that ye stir not up, nor awake my love, till he please," 2:7; 3:5; 8:4. Only as the husband is available and attentive to her needs should a woman's love be stirred up, for otherwise it can lead to frustration or even to illicit desires and liaisons.

In regard to multiple climaxes, in an experiment one woman experienced so many climaxes that she lost count of them as they surpassed fifty in number. But in a practical sense, even a half dozen such experiences with a loving husband is often such a delightfully exhausting thing that she is generally content to stop with this number and let her husband then take his one so that they can then both snuggle into delightfully restful sleep. One very common problem that men have in this matter is in being able to work with the wife until she reaches a climax without achieving a climax himself. It often takes considerable work for a man to learn how to pace himself, for man is more easily stimulated by sight and sounds than a woman is, and so, must often divert his attention to non-sexual things until he has enabled his wife to fully achieve her pleasure. The writer's hobby for many years was grafting and budding his own fruit trees and he had a considerable orchard of these. In times of marital passion it was not unusual for his wife to admonish him to "get your mind out in the orchard for a little bit," lest he should be unduly stimulated too soon.

Having said this let it be said that the bedroom ought never to be the scene of a marathon as either mate tries for some sort of record. To do so smacks of pride more than love! No! The purpose of the delights of the marital union is give pleasure, comfort and encouragement to each other, for this will strengthen the marriage the longer it is practiced. Nor does the writer hold himself and his wife forth as any kind of example of an ideal marriage. But from starting out as green as Granny Smith apples so far as our knowledge regarding sex was concerned, we almost accidentally stumbled into the enjoyment of Biblical principles regarding sex. And we would hope that other couples could come to this same blessed knowledge and experience, so that thereby they would have the same cause to praise God that we do. Now it is acknowledged that no one ever accidentally stumbles into any spiritual truth but one is led into it by the Spirit of God as Scripture principles are brought to bear upon one's thinking, which is why we have stressed the Scriptures so much in this study.

Personal opinion and practice have no bearing whatsoever on what is right or wrong in these personal relations. Everything is dependent upon the question "What saith the Scripture?" Which is why we have quoted no human authorities in proof of any duty set forth, but have simply let Scripture speak in its most natural and literal of meanings. That alone is what we are all accountable for before God. Let us therefore recognize God's great goodness and take His good gifts and praise Him for them.