CHAPTER ONE: Principles
 

Scripture is a Book of Divine principles from beginning to end, and so, it is to be expected that there will be Divine principles governing even this matter of man’s sensual nature and all that is involved in it. The Bible opens with a declared distinction between the genders, and with a reference to one of the purposes of this distinction. “So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them. And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth,” Gen. 1:27-28.

Here in the very beginning of Scripture is a refutation of one of the erroneous attitudes regarding sex. It is not basically sinful, for God does not command anyone to do evil, yet here is the command for males and females to engage in sex. It is a duty that generally devolves upon each generation, for this, for most of human history, was the only way to fulfill this duty of the propagation of the race. Nor was this only a permitted evil in order to attain a desired end. For only a few verses later on in this same chapter we have the inspired critique of all this for V3 1 says: “And God saw every thing that he had made, and, behold, it was very good.” So, sex, which was an integral part of all this, is not basically evil, but it is very good, and only when man takes it out of its Divinely given setting and purpose does it become evil.

Some people, when they hear some Scripture proof given from the so-called Old Testament, will dismiss it as irrelevant simply by saying, “That doesn’t apply today, for that is in the Old Testament,” as if this part of Scripture is no longer valid. But the fact is that both Jesus and all the inspired writers of the New Testament (so-called) quoted the Old Testament in proof of the truth of all that they said. Neither can what is written in Genesis (which means “Beginnings”) be cast out as nothing but myths as many modernistic writers do, for the Lord Jesus Himself referred to it as authentic and reliable.

As the Book of “Beginnings” Genesis is not only the beginning of God’s revelation to man, but it also lays down the beginnings, or fundamental principles, of many things including the home and family. To have a proper understanding of the home and family, we must begin with the basic fundamentals that God Himself has laid down concerning the home and family, and must yield ourselves in submission to those principles. Where God’s will is disobeyed, or even ignored, there can never be any real or lasting happiness. God Himself will make sure of that, for His glory is at stake, as well as the creature’s happiness. To permit it to be otherwise would be to encourage rebellion and that is destructive of good.

One of the first principles that we meet with in (Gen. 1 is that interpersonal sex is only permitted in the marital relationship, and that marriage is involved here is clear from the appearance of “wife” in Vv. 24-2 5. In this initial reference to interpersonal sex God ordained it to be only within the confines of marriage, for He here ordains marriage, home and the family, and so, sex between men and women must never be allowed in any other setting. It is rebellion against God to do otherwise.

The original commission given to man in (Gen. 1:28 to “Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it,” was not just a duty pronounced, for it was prefaced by the words, “And God blessed them, and said unto them...” Hence, God’s original goal was for the marital happiness of his human creatures. That this involved joy is made clear by Eccl. 9:9. “Live joyfully with the wife whom thou lovest all the days of the life of thy vanity, which he hath given thee under the sun, all the days of the life of thy vanity: for that is thy portion in this life.” Nor is this a one-way Street for only the husband’s happiness. “With thy wife” makes her happiness part and parcel with his, as did the original commission in (Gen. 1:28.

Listen to what the Savior Himself said of the institution of marriage as recorded in (Gen. 2:18-25. “From the beginning of the creation God made them male and female.

For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife; And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder,” Mark 10;6-9. There is a principle involved here, for this shows a union of male and female that, while it is not exclusively a physical one, certainly involves that, and this on a continuing basis. Both the Hebrew word in the Genesis text and the Greek word in Mark indicate much more than a mere ceremonial or familial relationship. Both words suggest adherence as when one thing is glued to another, hence the joining together of the male and female so that they appear as if one instead of two, and the tenses imply that this will be an on-going thing for this relationship is for life.

In the beginning God ordained that no one was to disrupt this relationship by putting away of one of these partners from the other. This would include neither of the marital partners, nor governmental officials, nor the parents or other family members on either side of the family, nor supposed friends, nor anyone else.

We live in perilous times today, for religion has been so corrupted that for the most part it is nothing but an empty form, devoid of Divine power, II Tim. 3:1, 5. But as sad as this state is, there is still one safeguard back of it—the home and family. But when the home and family is corrupted, then even true religion cannot make much headway against the general corruption. It is commonly acknowledged that the first five or six years of a child’s life are the most crucial, because the most formative years, and the inclination of life will be generally determined during that interim. It will be “generally determined” because we do not rule out the sovereign power of the Most High God to change the most corrupt and warped of personalities. However, it is a general rule that God does not overrule and overturn every personality that has been perverted by a bad family situation. All about us we see the consequences of loveless families, families perverted by false religion, families corrupted by incestuous or other unholy sexual practices. The consequences are commonly personalities headed toward physical, mental, moral and spiritual destruction.

All of which emphasizes the importance of having sound homes and families. It was commanded to Israel that families were to lay up the truth in their heart, as well as to keep it publicly before their families and to teach it constantly so that the Lord’s blessings would be upon them from generation to generation, Deut. 11:13-23. This is the only way to have “heaven on earth.” But there cannot be proper teaching unless there has first been personal experience of the truth. Nor can there be the proper atmosphere to successfully teach unless there is the living example of the truth in those that are teaching. Which again emphasizes the importance of the home and family being in a right spiritual condition. It is said that the renowned atheist, Madylyn Murray O’Hair was born and grew up in a parsonage, yet obviously there was not the proper spiritual atmosphere there else she would not have followed the spiritually fatal downward path that she did.

Nor is this important simply for the sake of the children of the home. God never intended for husbands and wives to live lives of frustration and unhappiness, but wrong principles of life will invariably lead to this. God’s goal for men and women is marital happiness in this world, as well as eternal happiness in the world to come, but neither will come to pass unless Biblical principles are practiced.

The continually increasing divorce rate is clear testimony to the unhappiness of a majority of married people. But divorce is not the answer, for in most instances the problem lies in selfishness, unrealistic expectations, misunderstanding of personal duties in marriage and the stubborn refusal to change one’s wrong attitudes. And the entertainment media glorifies the corruption and disruption of the home and family by its ungodly influence, for it is utterly sinful, sell-centered and hates all that is of God. Where divorce is chosen instead of correcting the problems, the problems are simply carried on into the next marriage, to start all over again.

Nor does just taking up living together without benefit of marriage, which is so popular today, relieve the problems. It actually compounds them. This action, which is the endeavor to have the pleasures of marriage without shouldering the responsibilities of it, not only leaves God out of the relationship, but is actually a violation of God’s declared will, and automatically puts the couple under the disfavor of God. And this guarantees the loss of His blessings that are so necessary for success in life, and assures failure to be happy except in a very shallow way and on a short-term basis.

We need to come back to Gen. l:26ff for some further observations. V26-27 gives the general statement of the creation of the original pair of humans, while subse­quent statements give more details about the method employed in the creation. The creation of mankind was the crowning act of creation, and while man is made “a little while inferior to the angels,” Heb. 2:7, margin, yet he is ultimately destined for glory—at least in God’s elect. Even the commission that God gave to Adam and Eve show that they occupied a great position in His creation, V28, and see Heb. 2:7-8.

It must be observed in the beginning that contrary to modern feminists, “man” is not a “sexist” designation. No! It is a generic term for a human being irrespective of gender. Note carefully the wording of Gen. 1:27: “God created man (generic).., male and female (specific) created he them.” “Man” is the Hebrew word also transliterated “Adam” and is commonly rendered both ways in the Old Testament, but it includes both genders in its meaning. This is the same thing that any of the older standard English dictionaries declare as to the fundamental meaning of the English word “man.” It is a generic term in its first meaning, without regard to gender. Only by extension may it refer to a male being since until very recent times the males were the more public and prominent of the genders. This needs to be emphasized because of the ungodly attempt by many today to pit men and women against one another and to make the home and family a perennial battleground between the sexes. This is simply a devil inspired attempt to destroy the unity of the home so as to disrupt the good influence of the home upon the children which is basic to the fulfillment of human destiny and happiness.

There is strength in the unity of a husband and wife, and there is weakness when either is alone. In nothing does Eccl. 4:9-12 apply so well as to a married couple. “Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up. Again, if two lie together, then they have heat: but how can one be warm alone? And if one prevail against him, two shall withstand him; and a threefold cord is not quickly broken.”

The unity of the marriage relation is to be seen in the details of Eve’s creation in Gen. 2:20f-25. Among all the other creatures nothing was found that was suitable as a help, meet for Adam, V20f. God therefore put Adam into a deep sleep and took out of him a part of his bone and flesh and created a female counterpart for him, V21-22. Thus, she would always be a part of him, as Adam himself immediately recognized. God never intended that a husband and wife consider one another as aliens to each other and as separate entities, but they are to consider themselves as “one flesh” with loyalties to one another that supercede all other loyalties, however close they may be, V24. “One flesh” is suggestive first of all of the physical intimacy of the marital union, although it involves much more than this. There is but one other human relationship that is closer than this one: the union between a mother and her unborn child, and this one is of much shorter duration than that union between husbands and wives. And though there is a sense in which the unity between parent and child continues for many years this unity generally lessens with the passing years, until there is a degree of severance of this union, as V24 shows.

Tragically, sometimes misguided parents endeavor to insert a wedge between a married couple in order to keep a strangle hold on an adult child. This is always a sin against God’s will as well as against the child. The unity between husband and wife is not to be broken by anyone, as is emphasized by the Lord Himself in Matt. 19:4-6 and by Paul in Eph. 5:31. Those utterly selfish parents that try to do this often justify their actions by claiming the need for “family loyalty,” but they betray their ignorance of the Bible’s teachings on family loyalty. The Divine order of such is first, Loyalty to the family of God, which is to supercede all other loyalties, as Jesus Himself taught in Matt. 19:34-37. Then, Loyalty to the marital family. Next, there must be Loyalty to one’s church family, which is to supercede loyalty to one’s blood relations if need be. And only then, after all these, does Loyalty to one’s parental family come in. Nor is there any need for this order -to work any hurt to anyone so long as each category does not selfishly try to make itself exclusive over all others that have prior rights. Someone has very wisely said that every father is raising his daughter for another man, and every mother is raising her son for another woman. That is part of God’s great purpose.

And not only parents, but often children will try to pit the parents against one another in order to get their own way. Children seem to have an innate psychological sense from their earliest years of how to manipulate parents, but a wise parent will never allow a child to play one parent against the other. Husbands and wives ought to take a strong united stand against anyone that would try to divide and conquer them, even if the husband and wife are not wholly agreed in every point of the matter. Not even in seemingly insignificant things should a husband and wife allow another person to divide them, for the unity of the relationship is of vital importance. Remember: the point of a wedge is purposefully small and seemingly insignificant in order to easily get started in between two parts, but it grows increasingly wider until the strongest log can be split by it. The ancient Romans had a wise saying: obstii principii—resist beginnings, for they often have solemn and far-reaching effects if allowed.

"One flesh” is correctly taken to refer initially to the sexual union, but this does not exhaust its application, for the physical union is only meant to be the outward symbol of the entire unity of the pair, physical, psychological, mental, moral, social and spiritual. Ideally, there should be a complete harmony between husband and wife. But let this not be misunderstood to refer to a total identity between the two. Such would not be wise, nor would it be in harmony with God’s purpose. There may be unity in diversity, as we see in many things.

The creation of Eve from Adam is instructive in many ways. Several famous people have spoken of this in ways that go back at least to the 1700’s if not before. The London Baptist preacher John Gill in his commentary on Genesis had the following to say but implied that it was not original with him.

This is a good exposition of the matter, and other texts of Scripture justify these words, as we see from I Cor. 11:11-12; Gal. 3:28; Eph. 5:25-29, 33, et al. Such is the unity of the marital relation that God Himself is concerned in it, and requires that His will be sought before a man and a woman enter into it, I Cor. 7:39f; Prov. 18:22; 19:14. Yea, the unity of the marriage relation is considered a covenant in which God Himself bears witness when there is a violation of it, Mal. 2:14. This is not just because God desires the best for His creatures, although that is true, but there are also practical reasons for the establishment of the home and family. This might be considered the utility or use of the home.

This utility or use of establishing the marriage relation and the home is suggested first of all by the words “help meet for him,” Gen. 2:18, 20. The meaning of this phrase in the original language suggests that it would be better punctuated “help, meet for him,” for the Hebrew means “as over against him,” “according to his front presence,” (Jarnieson, Faussett and Brown Commentary). Or, “like him,” “as agreeing to him,” “his counterpart,” (Albert Barnes Commentary), or “suitably corresponding to him.” The thought is, that just as God created men and women physically different so that they would fit together, so He created them to fit together psychologically, mentally and in other ways as well. The phrase suggests that man is incomplete without the woman, and the woman is incomplete without the man, but they complement and complete one another, each filling out what is lacking in the other, so that only together do they truly become “one.” God created the woman out of the man; hence, she is an extension of him. I Cor. 11:8 says, “The man is not of the woman (originally); but the woman is of the man,” and when a man and woman are united in marriage, they become one, and so they complete the cycle. It is clear from this, that men and women were created, not to compete with one another but rather to complete one another, as also saith Scripture. “.. .Neither is the man without the woman, neither is the woman without the man, in the Lord,” I Cor. 11:11. Neither can be independent of the other.

Someone once wrote a book on marriage entitled “Duel Or Duet?” which suggests that this can be characterized either by constant warfare, or beautiful harmony. Whether the marriage is based upon, and characterized by, Divine principles, or not, will be the determining factor. John MacArthur has suggested six Scriptural reasons for marriage. (1) Procreation, Gen. 1 (2) Pleasure, Heb. 13:4; I Cor. 7: 1ff. (3) Purity, I Cor. 7:2. (4) Provision, Eph. 5: (Man is to provide security and caring). (5) Partnership, Gen. 1: “Help meet.” (6) Picture, Eph. 5: (The marriage relation pictures Christ and the Church). It is sad but true that too many people think that the purpose of marriage encompasses only one or two of these, and so they do not work at making the marriage and home what it should be and what it could be. Arid this failure is at the root of so many divorces and the resulting destruction of the family involved.

But the home and family has another important use in the mind of God. This is expressed in Mal. 2:15 where it is declared that one of the reasons for the unity of home is to produce a godly seed. There is a real sense in which every married couple is God’s unit to produce children that will live for God’s glory. And one has only to consider the children that come from broken homes to see how a wrong home environ­ment will produce the very opposite of what God intended it to produce. Almost all troubled people have backgrounds that include a wrong home life of some sort. Almost invariably one or both marriage partners in such homes were living contrary to their God-given role in the marriage. The home was meant to be not only a producer of children, but also a preparer of children to fit in to God’s will.

However, there cannot be the proper atmosphere for rightly teaching and training up of children in the way of the Lord, Prov. 22:6, if there is not first of all the proper relationship between the marital partners, and between each of them and God. Nothing is sadder than the home that is a battleground between the husband and the wife, for this will generally result in the children being used as pawns by both parents. This is why the children from a broken home are so disturbed. And this is also why children whose parents do not divorce, but who constantly argued, may also be severely disturbed. Teaching is not just done by vocal declaration of the truth, but it must also be by demonstration of the truth. Inconsistency in the home is worse than no teaching at all, for where a child is taught one thing, but the parents practice a contrary thing, the child is taught by example to be hypocritical. Never let it be forgotten that the home is the greatest force for good or for evil that exists on earth. Not even the Lord’s churches can exert as much good influence as a good, godly home life, nor can the churches overcome the baleful influence of a bad home life.

By nature man is a social creature and only a very rare few, and some of these persons of disturbed personalities, can stand to live a totally solitary life, and most people desperately need that form of society that is found only in family units. Therefore we must recognize the ubiquity of the home. This word is defined as the state, fact, or capacity of being everywhere at the same time, and so we use this term in the sense that God has intended that marriage and home be the desired goal of the generality of people. Marriage, family and home was not just something that God ordained for Jews or Christians, it is that which is necessary for all people everywhere. And almost all nations have recognized this for every race and society has established laws governing marriage and the home. This was established in the infancy of the human race, for Gen. 2:18 declares, “And the Lord God said, it is not good that the man (Hebrew Adam, which refers to man as a specific genus) should be alone; I will make him an help, meet for him.” Marriage was ordained for man as a specific genus of beings.

This is also suggested in I Cor. 7:2 and I Tim. 5:14. “Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.” “I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the household.” And one of the manifestations of seducing spirits and demonistic doctrines in the latter times will be the forbidding of marriage, I Tim. 4:1-3. The six reasons for marriage suggested by MacArthur above all enter into the necessity of marriage in every age and nation. We live in a time when many people want only the pleasures of marriage but without the responsibilities of it, and consequently many people, with less honor than beasts, many of which mate for life, just take up living together temporarily until responsibility arises, then they leave. Ours is not the first generation that has prophesied the demise of marriage, home and the family. Ungodly rationalists of two hundred years ago prophesied that marriage would be unknown in one hundred years, but there are more marriages than ever today, but those that prophesied marriage’s demise are long since dead and forgotten.

In referring to the presence everywhere and always of marriage, home and the family, it is not meant that this is God’s will for every single person of the human race. On the contrary, there are frequent exceptions, but they are just that—exceptions to the general rule. The following Bible texts show that there are those to whom marriage does not apply, and who should not marry. Matt. 19:10-12; I Cor. 7:7-11, 27-29; I Tim. 5:9-12. The Apostle Paul was either a widower, or else had never married, and he felt no need to marry, but he recognized that it took a special gift from God to live the celibate life, and most people do not have this gift. Anna the prophetess apparently also had this gift, Luke 2:36-37, and it was recognized that often elderly widows have it, by their being inducted into the office mentioned in I Tim. 5:9ff. But we must never try to make the exceptions to be the rule.

The original commission given to the first human pair in Gen. 1:28 requires marriage, family and home to fulfill it, and the fact that it was given to the first pair before there was such a thing as a nation proves its general universality. It is also proven by the fact that every nation on the face of the earth recognizes the importance of marriage and protects it. Even pagan and atheistic nations are jealous for the continuance of the home and family. Indeed, in some ways, Russia and China are more protective of marriage, home and the family than supposedly “Christian” nations like the United States of America, that have become very lax regarding divorce. Occasional experiments of trying to dispense with marriage in the last six thousand years have only proven, even to the most darkened of nations that it is an institution that is absolutely necessary to the welfare of the nation as well as to the individual.

If marriage, home and the family is not a Divine institution, but is only some sort of “artificial arrangement,” as some modern anarchists have characterized it, how do we explain the following facts? Though different nations and peoples, having widely differing concepts about government, language, religion, laws, and many, many other things, yet are all agreed in the necessity of marriage, home and family.

Another fact is very significant, namely, that marriage, home and the family is repudiated only by those that also repudiate God, or, at least, who live in open rebellion against Him and His laws. On the other hand, one will search through all the annals of man and will never find a single person that gave evidence of being a genuine Christian but who also believed in the institution of marriage, home and the family. Not all Christians were married, or had families, but none of them ever denied the institution itself. The Apostle Paul, for example, who though he was not married at the time, and had no family, yet gave extended discourses concerning marriage, the home and family, I Cor. 7: 1ff; Eph. 5:22ff, et al. Of course, we recognize that he was inspired in writing these things, but they were also his personal convictions.

God created the home and commissioned it to fulfill His will, and He continues to have a care for it. However, He does not compel every man and woman to seek His will before they marry, nor does He force them to conform their home to His precepts after they are married. The responsibility in this, as in other areas of life, lies with the individuals themselves, and they can know God’s will only by a continual reading and studying of the Bible, the Word of God. But they are accountable to Him, and will give an answer to Him in the Day of Judgment for every neglect in their family unit. Hence, it behooves every man and woman who would enter into a marriage relation to seek the will of God, not only before they many, but also to seek it as a family, and to yield themselves as a family to the Lord to glorify Him through their family unit.